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How to:Wake up
Not to be confused with Waking Up in Vegas, that pointless song by Katy Perry, which has nothing to do with getting groceries at the store, unlike this article. Waking up is a part of the day that everyone has to friggin go through, believe it or not. There are, in fact, several aspects of the phenominon that people deal with, such as the fact that parents often need that cup of coffee or......two cups of coffee/three/whatever, how ever many, and then some of them still ask their kid something like "wtf are u doing, all tired like that? honestly u just woke up. u wanna go back to sleep?" when they act the same way until they drink their coffee and you have woken up already. There are several steps to how the average American wakes up. This article includes many of the different ways a person is able to wake up and get through the morning, evening, night, or whenever they woke up and why. Steps of waking up 1. Being able to get up When you just wake up, some people are just too lazy to get up and so they drift back into a light sleep for a bit, and then again, some of them also jump right out of the bed and have absolutely no trouble getting up. That is not a normal person. A normal person has trouble getting up out of bed, unlike those....weird people who don't. It can be kinda hard, too, because, even though you can't think that straight, you're probably thinking "ah wtf, i dont even have anything i gotta do today" and so you like to lay there in bed to kill time, which makes sense, but it can actually get kinda lengthy, because, what if that person woke up at 10:00 AM, and then they decide they'll go back to sleep for another hour, so they set....their alarm? for another hour, and then they go back to sleep. Well, an hour passes and their like "dang, i really wanna sleep some more" so they fall back asleep again, but maybe you forget to set the alarm, or, perhaps, you set it for another hour. Well, then you wake up at noon, and then you probably just lay there and fall back asleep for another hour until you don't know what time it is and then you wake up and are like "wtf! It's ONE in the AFTERNOON!!?!!?!" and then you start getting all mad. Or maybe you don't even care and you're just that kinda person. 2. What to do after you get up Some people know what they're friggin gonna do when they wake up, like, they can think straight enough to where they remember doing something important, like watching that football game that you could've missed, or calling your girlfriend who was expecting a call a few hours ago and so now she's probably mad at you, that is, unless you manage to call her and think up a good excuse like "i was sleeping" or "i didnt wanna". Those always work. Usually. Not really. Others like to just sit there on the couch or something and just do nothing for about five minutes before they finally think of something useful they can do. And then people around them are like "wtf is up with u!?! aren't u gonna go do what i want ya to do?" and the sleepy person's just like "wtf r u talkin' 'bout." So that makes a lot of sense. So, yeah, some people will just sit there and do nothing for, like, half an hour or something before they get active, because they're just like that and they're probably having a hangover anyway (so hopefully your parents don't do this a lot). But some people do this so much that they may be inactive for most of the day, which is kinda weird, and it's often something like a 'you should see a doctor about before you die from it' kinda thing. 3. Doing whatever after you wake up Most of the time, people like to waste all that valuable time they have simply brushing their teeth for like a friggin hour before they get out of the bathroom, and people around them are like "wtf were u doing in there for an hour?" and ur like "brushing my teeth, dang it! if u gotta problem with that, too bad." and so everyone gets all mad and crap and so it just accumulates trouble. Lots of people like to, in the morning, the first thing they like to do is have coffee and to fix some toast or an egg or some other breakfast that's not as healthy for you as the stereotypical belief says it is. The reason they do this is because they can't think of anything better to do, like watching a football game, getting on the Internet like right now, or doing something constructive like homework watching more tv. Different people like to do different things, but most of the time, it's really basic and normal like other people. That is, unless, whenever you wake up the first thing you do everyday is to go lay down on the front yard of your residence and make grass angels (you can do that out of weed, too, and it's more fun when you do it with weed, anyway). Yeah, that would just be totally insane and weird. 4. Fixing your hair (or whatever) Most people like to wear their hair longer than bald or a buzzcut, so they have ridiculous hair problems when they wake up, and so you may ask why your sister/mother spends half an hour in the bathroom, fixing their hair. Well it's because, apparently, girls like for their hair to be "better" than guys' hair and so they "make it that way", according to them, and no one but them. Sometimes it can be pretty hard and annoying, too, because it won't get the right shape, and it'll get you screaming "WTF!?!" or something and then your mom's probably just like "now, Bill, stop the screaming or I'm calling DeFax" or something like that, which doesn't make that much sense, unless your mom wants you gone and won't put you up for adoption herself.... 5. Using the bathroom Some people like to get up and then rush to the bathroom just so they can use the bathroom, and then they take like forever in there for no reason, and it can get really annoying and ridiculous after a few hours have gone by. Or something like that. But honestly, no one is impervious to going to the bathroom. You're gonna have to go to the bathroom eventually. It's not like you're the Terminator, or Chuck Norris. Everybody has to go to the bathroom (except for the Terminator and Chuck Norris). Even Jackie Chan has to go to the bathroom weekly, and that's Jackie Chan, there, and he can do anything! Alternative method .]] If you're going to school, then skip over all that crap you just read above this sentence. When you wake up, you're gonna have to be awake enough to get ready for school, like, possibly taking a shower, drying your "hair", putting on those weird, ridiculous, nonmatching materials you call clothes, brushing your dark yellow teeth, spraying some of that axe on you, and doing all that in like 15 minutes because you got woken up late and so now you're having a fight with your mom that is ended when the bus comes and you're like "ah wtf the bus is here" and u slam the door so hard the house falls down and it's funny. This alternative method is used by absolutely 100% of teenagers thirteen through eighteen years old, unless they failed a few grades. So then they could be forty, too. Which is likely these days. Very likely. In fact it's probable. Very probable. Extremely probable. So probable that the Earth splits in half for no reason. That probable. Weirdness in waking up Some people get all weird when they wake up, and that's kinda weird itself, and that person, whoever does it, should go and see a doctor, but most doctors are just gonna be like "wtf do i look like, a sleepologist? i can't help you. screw it, go home." And so, really, you don't ever get any help, even though you kinda need it, but not really, so it doesn't matter. We're gonna stop rambling about pointless crap now and just get on with our lives, and you can stop reading about this article and start doing nothing constructive, like homework getting on the Internet. See also *Weed *Hangover *Sleep *Night *Day *Morning *Time *Coffee *Coca Cola *America *Couch *Food *Water *Internet *Television Category:How to